Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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