I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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