K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
