bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
