Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
