oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
