Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
