walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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