Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize