I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
