i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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