This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
