So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
