well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
