i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Randomize
