Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think my moral compass just broke
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
