I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
