i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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