It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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