I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
