She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
God I need to hump something, right now.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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