enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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