After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
