I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
