I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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