It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
