I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
