Define "chronic" masturbator.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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