This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
