how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
