I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I need a beard to bite.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
