Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
