Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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