went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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