Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
