My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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