You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
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I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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