U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
