absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
