So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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