he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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