By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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