I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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