It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
