Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
