Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
