If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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