i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
