made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
