i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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