Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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