I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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