On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
