I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
