Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
