Are we in a gay sports bar?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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