I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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