Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
