Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
