If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
