I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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