dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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