Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm like, not good at living.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
