apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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