its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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