Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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