Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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