I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
