I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
