Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
