If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
