Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
