Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
