I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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