Kiss
Puke
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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