Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
