The maid of honor just puked.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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