Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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