Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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