And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
