Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
